Leaving man‘s land to finally go to no man‘s land



These terms have a whole new meaning for me now :-))

Mid July. It‘s been 5 months now since I made the decision that transitioning is the only way for me to be happy in this life.
It‘s quite an ambivalent situation in so many respects. I‘m yearning for my female birthday (start hormones) and wait for every day to pass to bring me closer to that moment. Yet every day is a single precious gift given to the hand of every human being - and it‘s up to us to use it best we can.
I got my braces in last Thursday. Funny how  baby meal time finds its way back into my life. Due to the movement of my teeth I can hardly chew food, so blender stick menues are the choice of the wise here. Actually spaghetti and tomatoe sauce are not all that bad when blended - it‘s only the looks of it that one needs to get used to ;-). No problem with carrot cream soup or a potatoe curry pineapple soup. But my favorite Indian butter chicken smells like the real thing, still looks quite similar to the Italian spaghetti meal we had 3 days ago. At least the Basmati rice aroma is what it used to be like - and fills the flat to make it smell like an Indian restaurant.
Had my first laser epilation treatment today. Thank goodness my beautician has hospital background and is so thoughtful- when my cardiopulmonary system got its light set onto red she handled the situation with utmost care, reclined the backrest, put my feet up, calmed me down ... and on we went. It happened at the beginning when I didn‘t know what to expect. The first few laser flashes just tingled, but after a couple of moments it felt like cutting yourself with a razorblade from time to time. After we got the face done, it wasn‘t a problem anymore and it felt like some kind of electric massage. So now I need to wait to see how much hair got eliminated - I will see after shaving within the next couple of weeks. I think I‘m going to celebrate each hair free patch with  something to make me feel good.
My therapist had to set me straight today. He clearly told me that in my case  - 48 years old and a single father of 4- the diagnosis will definitely take some time and he doesn‘t want to be rushed in any way - so I need to learn to be patient, patient, patient ... just like all the advice I got from all the trans women I‘ve been talking to so far stated. Well, I had to try - but I need to get comfortable with the thought that it might take a lot longer than I hoped it would. But what ever comes, I‘ll get going till I‘m the self I need to be.