This is one of those days........

The questions pops up now and again - why is it that my soul somehow chose to go into this life as a transsexual? The yearning I feel to have the physical body that so completely fits my gender - the way I see myself and the way I feel inside. Other people on the planet feel comfortable and completely at home in their skin - and don‘t even know that there are people in this world where this basic of all human aspects is so different.
To them being male or female is normal, looking in the mirror and seeing a female or a male face and body is so normal - they think about which aspect of their male or female body they would want different  - or more prominent - or more beautiful. The sex they experience is in accordance with their heart and mind - that is such a blessing - and they don‘t even feel, realize or see that.
Too basic is that aspect rooted in ourselves, too deep the concept to be whole and complete as to imagine it could be different - or that it could not be so.


So I sit here and look at this beautiful young girl, so female, so natural, so easy how everything comes to her - her voice, her movements, her feelings and her gestures. The way her face looks, her hair falls. I see that knowing that I never had those teen years where a woman finds her paths - her ways on what she believes to be important in her life, the roads to explore her own sexuality and personality. Tears running down my face - torn between the happiness that we get medical and surgical help to ease our situation and live a life close to what it could have been like  - and the dream of having lived my life with my sex and my gender playing the same song - being in tune.

I know what it feels like to go through a puberty that doesn‘t match what the mind wants to feel and see.
I know about the shame a trans*person faces when the idea of being different - being transsexual - becomes clear and real.
I know about the devastating and destructive effects of misunderstood religious views and ideas, branding me with the burn mark »not wanted by man - because believed impossible to be a part of creation«.
I know how it feels to be rejected by your own family who for whatever reason can‘t love you the way you are.

I also know how it feels when strangers come up to me saying - I admire you for how you stand up for yourself - I have greatest respect for the way you put into reality what you feel inside - how you live what you feel.
I also know how it feels when other trans*people or families say: thank you for your help - thank you for making me feel like being human - thank you for helping me/ us along to have visions of what the future can be like - and to have a happy kid.

I believe there is a reason why everything in life happens the way it does.

So there is a reason why my transition didn’t happen earlier - although there are so many moments when I wish I had done so - yet at that same instance I know there is no reason to blame myself for not having done so - because if I could have done so I would have done so. I believe the way it happened is the way it is best for me.

YET STILL....
Too many people don’t know the facts about us trans*gender people and too many have no idea what can be done once a trans*person is in your circles.

That is why I will devote time and love to spread the word on how families can help their maybe trans*kids to lead a normal life by freezing puberty - to win time to evaluate if the child is actually transsexual  - by freezing a puberty that doesn‘t swing with the song the soul wants to sing.
Should it turn out that at some stage during the puberty freeze the child should decide different - and she/he decides that the need for living in the so far affirmed gender turns out to be wrong - and that she/he will want to live in the sex that she/he was born in - THEN the puberty freeze gets stopped - and the puberty according to the physical sex assigned at birth will take its natural course - only a bit later on in life - no side effects.

Should the child stay its course and insist on living in the affirmed gender different from the sex assigned at birth - while going through intense psychometric testing - then cross gender hormone therapy is the only way to relieve the child of its burden and suffering.

Then see how a child springs back into life when cross sex hormone therapy induces the puberty that makes the soul sing the song of life out loud.
These children will be just like their non-trans*peers - you couldn‘t pick them out in a crowd as being trans*sexual if you had to. They will be spared all those surgeries and long tedious hours to make the physical female/male burden disappear that older transsexuals are willing to go through to finally find inner peace. All those numerous epilation sessions, the facial feminisation surgeries to remove the puberty induced hormone traits that define a person as male or female, the voice chord surgery, so a trans*woman finally sounds right to her own ears, breast augmentation - in case the hormones can’t change the body to match a female appearance and finally SRS surgery - the ultimate, irrevocable step to make a trans*woman feel at home in her own body.

Our bodies are the most amazing gifts we get in life - and I am so happy and thankful, that my body is willing to make and go through all those changes with me.

Yet it doesn‘t have to be this way - when parents and society learn to love children the way they are - give them chances to walk their path early in life.

Show all kids what it means to be loved - and if you happen to be blessed with trans*children give them the chance to life their life in their affirmed gender!
And when puberty sets in give them the chance of a puberty freeze to reflect on who they are - and should they stay the course then let them start the cross hormone therapy they are longing for so desperately - to open up a happy life for them!

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=407602542742290&pnref=story

That will pay my flowing and falling tears justice - to see trans*children and their families leading happy lives - and maybe some of those very happy moments will reflect the life I didn‘t live but am now allowed to live so happily.