Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Guarded and comforted by angels

 

 

It is now 9 months into my transition. Although it somehow seems like a very, very long time it also feels like the blink of an eye and like an eternity.

I am so grateful and thankful that my former life in the male shell fades out of my memory nearly completely. It is just gone.

The moment I decided to transition marked the turning point in my life. I didn‘t know how all of this would turn out, what problems I would have to face - and I knew life would change in quite dramatic ways, though I didn‘t expect it to be so radical.
The emotional changes are the ones that impress me most and challenge me daily. Life feels so completely different to me - it feels like what it always should have felt like and it‘s a beautiful task to manage how to live with those newly acquired feelings and incorporate them into my everyday life.
In a fast motion kind of way I learn how to deal with emotions never before known or felt.

For example about 2 weeks after I started hormones I walked along the street seeing this young mother with her toddler in the stroller. Then I realized something that nearly swept me off my feet, made me truly and deeply sad and kept me in that state for a couple of days, until I found a way to accept it somehow: I can‘t give birth to »my kid« - I will never get pregnant and I will never have the chance to give life to a baby! Being father to 4 children this sounds strange, but considering that it never was me, and that this woman deep inside me has finally set herself free, this makes sense.
Well - the whole baby panic topic fits my age as a woman and I need to deal with this fact and straighten out my thoughts - just like a genuine woman close or around my age being childless will have to do too.



I know I am guarded and protected on my way by all good wishes, thoughts and prayers of all that wish me well and support me. Also I truly believe that angels guard each and every one of my steps and also of all people who care about others

People I cared about and loved left my side and others stepped in.

I experienced unexpected help and such loving encounters, that they seem to more than make up for the losses I experienced. I had the chance to get to know and exchange thoughts, feelings and my life with interesting, caring, loving, supportive, altruistic and generous people.

Life has grown so much bigger, wider and fuller - more than I ever imagined, because I meet people who open my eyes for ideas, thoughts and views of how the world works and what life has in store which is so much greater and more colorful than I ever imagined.
On top of that I‘ve grown much more open and tolerant towards my kids, about how they want to live, how they want to be like, what their dreams are and how they see life from their perspective.


I am so thankful and happy!!!

Life is grand!

 

 


1 comment:

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