Blowing off steam

What hugely upset me the last past months is kin, family or »friends« telling me - as some of them have been all of my life - how selfish, unreasonable and crazy I am - how irresponsible I am coming to decisions , in their view thinking only of myself, completely disregarding the needs and wants of my children. So far I always felt the need for justifying myself, trying to explain why I arrived at decisions and why I finally decided to go through with  them - talk about flogging a dead horse. I realized I had to stop that. They won‘t understand because they never wanted to in the first place or they simply can't. They have their view of how a life has to turn out, what roads need to be taken to be »successful« in life according to their philosophy. They all claim to know what‘s good for others - in that case - me.



Funny how people can live so close to each other physically knowing really nothing about the other person. Take my family - my parents, my brother and me. The distance our rooms were being apart in the house we grew up in ranged from 1.6 feet (50 cm) up to 6.6 foot (2 meters), yet up to this day we hardly know anything about each other. Some couples sleep in the same bed, live in the same house and even have kids together without knowing anything about each other.
From my perspective it all comes down to communication, love, having the broad-mindedness to let go, the will to understand and enough courage to step aboard new shores. I can‘t find any plans for leading your life, life schemes or strict guidelines on how to be happy in your life when listening to your heart, summed up in those terms.
As if there were a way to know how »correct« or »right« your decision making is. Seems they all know it for me - why don‘t they take a look in the mirror first?

Whenever my kids go places people are amazed at what happy and joyful kids they are. When my kids go places where people are familiar with our busy course of life people are »surprised« or »taken aback« at how happy and joyful they are »despite of what they have to live with!« That should really make them think, shouldn‘t it?
But wouldn‘t fit their view of me, my lifestyle, my decision making, my view on life in general. No ability to read between the lines.

I realized I have to leave those people behind, welcome those who are willing to understand or do understand. Life seems to be this constant cycle of welcomes and good-byes. Even more so in me transitioning. To me I do see no need anymore to fight a lost battle - if people are not willing to embrace me with a loving heart, I realized for myself that I have to let go. Took such a long time to get me to the point where I could be strong enough to finally do that. Mona is strong enough to do that now. I am alive.

I want to sum this all up with the words of my unique woman friend Kelly who simply put it this way: 

their loss!